Monkey Business

Hey, pirates! I'm currently writing this at 3:21 a.m. because, really, who needs sleep? Where we last left off in the spiral, Egg Foo Yung sent us after Doctor Noh, the General's right-hand man, so we could find out where he's hiding to get back the piece of the map that we were missing.

After the battle, we went back to the Yakooza cave, where we learned Egg doesn't actually have the map. General Tso ha it--and we actually have to fight him to get it.

So, with a little help of our friend Arlen from The Two-Headed Wizard, we stormed the fortress. After a few battles, we made our way to the General, where he fled, and left his minions do the work for him.

After fighting out way through that, we meet the one and only Rooke, a member of the nasty Armada. He threatens us and promises to meet us again, where he'll end our suffering, so to speak.

We made our way through the building, all the way to our final confrontation with Tso.

Of course, he's invincible, because isn't that how it always goes? So, to win this battle, we have to threaten his prized possession:

General Tso's Chicken.



Once we do that, he surrenders... It seems, even a villain knows how to love.

He tells us he doesn't have the map-the Armada does. But they can't translate the map, so it's useless to them.We rush off, trying to find a way to translate it before they can.

We also got a new companion! A Samoorai "Moosketeer" decided to join us on our journey.

We go to ask the Governor about the translations, so he sends us to Subata Skyways to find it. Goodbye for now, Khotan.

When we get there, we're asked to get rid of some Amber Horde ships before we can be given any information. Once we do that, Lord Chagatai sends us to a temple to talk to Shunzang the Wise.

He tells us he can't translate it, but he knows someone who can! And to do so, we have to do something really, super simple: collect the five Turtle Balls and summon a giant turtle.

Easy, right?

He sends us on our journey to the first Turtle Ball, held by a mischievous Monkey King.

He warns us not to let him out of his cage, for he is a trickster, and very dangerous.

Once we make our way to Monkey King's prison of sorts, he makes us an offer we can's refuse: we let him out, and he gives us his Turtle Ball. He's served his time, and is completely sorry!


And we fall for it. We go and meet with the man who built his cage, to find a key, where he tells us that there is no key, he thought it'd be funny to build a cage without one to see how the trickster would react.

So, we tell Monkey King of this news, and he convinces us to get his golden staff from the Dragon King, a staff that can break the bars of his cage.

He tells us to take on the challenge, and that will get his staff back.

We go to the Dragon King's castle at the bottom of a lake, where he tells us what the challenge is: we must retrieve his Jade Egg from the Valley of the Titans, and he will grant us one wish.

We go off to the valley, where we learn that, to get the egg back, we must defeat the Stormzilla terrorizing the citizens and burning down the village.

To do so, we have to suit up, Power Rangers style.

Then, we fight what I think is the coolest battle yet, to take down the monster.

Once we take him down, we collect the Jade Egg and go off to give it to the King.

He honors his end of the deal, and gives us the staff--and a bit of history. Long ago, he made the staff to control the sky and sea, but the Monkey King tricked it away from him!

We leave after his story is done, on route to return to the Monkey King. Once we give him his staff, he tells us the turtle ball rolled into a suspicious little cave, and we just have to meet him there to get it.

Which, of course, is where he tricks us and escapes.

We go ask Shunzang for advice, where he tells us to slip a sort of mind control device into his helmet. We go to where his armor is being kept, and, after fighting a bunch of Ninja Pigs, discreetly sneak it in. Mission accomplished!

We go back to Shunzang, where the Monkey King confronts us--and we activate the device. Shunzang orders him to help us, and we get a pretty neat companion.

He tells us, however, he doesn't actually have his Turtle Ball--he gave it to someone who wants a crack at us. So, we're off to fight this mysterious enemy.

Until next time!

Good Luck in the Spiral,

Signed,

Merciless Malik Davenport.